Why aren’t things changing?

The Daisy Patch Blog - Why aren't things changing

Usually when things aren’t changing in our lives we can come up with lots of reasons why.

Oh well I’ve just been really busy these past few weeks

Now’s not the right time

I’ll wait until I”ve been back at the gym then I’ll do it

It’s my sister’s birthday maybe after that

Summer is a bit of a hectic time

If I just had a few more years experience then it would be easier

We can even get really good at stating our desires. What we want, how we want it, we can create the vision board and tell everyone about our grand plans. So why then if we’ve essentially ‘put it out there’ do things just not change?

If you read last week’s blog you’ll have a good sense now of why you could be staying stuck in a loop right now. But more specifically, why don’t things change even when we have the greatest of intentions. Even when we are super clear and set goals, measure them, work really hard towards them. What happens then?

I’ve been reading Rod Stryker’s The Four Desires on and off for months now. Every time I pick it up there’s something so relevant that I just soak it up and sit with it for a little while. So much of what Rod teaches in the book resonates with my own style of living my life, what my own yoga and wellness teachers have brought into my life, and what I teach all my clients. Living a life of purpose, one that lights you up and  makes you feel whole comes from truly getting ot kno wyourself. Which also means getting ot know why things might not be changing for you.

Rod describes a Sanskrit word ‘vikalpa’. For anyone who has practiced yoga or meditation you may be familiar with the word word sankalpa for setting an ‘intention’ for your yoga practice, or for your year or life. It’s how you plant the seed of desire and then set about creating it. Something to keep coming back to. Vikalpa was a new word to me. Essentially Rod goes on to explain that a Vikalpa is anything that moves you away from that which you desire. Except the thing is, this happens sub consciously. So you won’t even be aware of it!

Luckily, just because something is happening sub consciously does not mean it need stay there. In my coaching sessions I say that awareness is 90% of any change you’re wanting ot create. Because the moment you have awareness over something, some pattern that is running, an undercurrent in your life, you also have the capacity and choice to change it.

So if you were to know your Vikalpa – the stuff that is right now silently moving you away from thevery thing you want to create in your life – you would have all the power you need to create the necessary changes. If you haven’t yet read last week’s post – read it now! – it’s so relevant here. While I so strongly believe in creating a vision for your life, and really having Big Dreams (see previous posts here for more), in order to actually create a catalyst to get you out of your ‘funk’ you also need to understand why you’re resisting the change. And it’s not always the first presenting thing.

In psychology and coaching we refer to this as ‘secondary gain’ – you get something from staying stuck where you are. You always get something from the behavioural pattern you’re running. So you’re Vikalpa, whilst moving you away from something also gives you something.

One simple question to ask yourself right now is: What do I get from staying stuck here?

i.e. What do I get from things not changing?

And yes, your first answer that pops up is likely to be something to do with a level of comfort or familiarity. Allow that to settle and go deeper. What else do you get? Why’s it so important to stay safe in this loop right now? Have I always played like this? Does this only happen in this area of my life or others too?

Get curious and get deep. The more you can uncover about the resistance and what’s holding you back, the easier and faster your path to getting more of what you want in your life. Your desire. Your sankalpa. Your vision board. Your big dreams. They’re all within your capacity, it’s just that the hidden sub conscious wiring hasn’t been checked yet.


Plant some seeds of change for those you love and share this post with them below. Could be just what they need to hear to get unstuck for good.